It's not my mum's fault if that's what you're asking. Or maybe it is. She could have vetoed it. (Laughs) Lynxes are my favourite animal. Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Believe me, she’s tried. Can you imagine how awkward it is to go to your parents’ for dinner, run in late, just to be met with here’s your blind date! I was mortified. I’m pretty sure the poor girl wasn’t too pleased to see me either. Who wants… well, this for a date? (laughs) I really don’t have that much to say—it isn’t like I can talk about my job, and I pretty much do nothing else. It’s nobody’s fault but mine, but the last thing I want at the end of a long day is having to scramble for pleasantries. Mum kept asking me about my day trying to get me to talk, but I can't very well say, “I went to the morgue. The corpse looked lovely. And how was your day?”

The girl did try calling me the next day. I didn’t even see the call till the evening and by then, you get the gist. It’s never gonna work out. But try telling my mum that.

(Chuckling) Where do I start? I mean, we’re like 7 years apart, so growing up he usually annoyed me more than anything else. But he’s not all bad. He just has a few wild ideas. Like that time when he captured a neon spider. Mum was not pleased. But I kept his secret for as long as I can, mostly because he loved that little guy. I love that about him, heart on his sleeve and he’ll see things through till the end.

He’d bring Spidey—yeah not the most original name—beetles and ants and dead flies. And he had to really dig for those. London soil doesn’t host much insect life anymore. You gotta go far out for stuff like that. But then you end up with all the poisonous ones that give you rashes and other lovely things. Probably should have stopped him before Spidey escaped and a week later our bathroom was crawling with neon spiders because Spidey had babies. We stayed in a hotel for a week while Mum and Dad sorted things out with an exterminator.

I took a date to a zero gravity restaurant once. I probably should have asked my brother for advice before deciding on that, but there you go. Thankfully my date was a good sport and we laughed through drinking blobs of wine out of the air. That was a pretty cool experience I wouldn’t mind trying again—but probably not on a first date. We came out of that zero gravity pod looking like we’d been paint-bombed. I mean, we probably shouldn’t have unstrapped ourselves from the chair and followed a few instructions but, well, where’s the fun in that?

Does coffee count as food? I love a good Ethiopian roast. But okay, food. French toast pops with peanut butter. Nothing quite beats it.

My brother Fox does. He can see different futures and bring one into manifestation. He thinks if there’s a God then God must love a good prank, because Fox has this incredible magic but he tells me trying to control it is like trying to herd kittens.

There was a kidnapping victim I worked with once. A pair of sisters went missing and we only found one of them, the younger one. When we found her, she was clutching a key. Not your regular key—the old-fashioned type that you put into a keyhole and turn and everything. You don't see that so much anymore unless it's on a child's toy or you're visiting a castle.

Anyway, that wouldn't have been so strange, but this girl created them. Every time she tried to speak, she'd spit out a key instead. You can imagine my frustration seeing as she was basically mute, didn't seem to know how to work a smart screen either like she'd been locked up her whole life.

So, these keys—the trick was to find a keyhole you can insert them into. Let's just say it was like working out code in the form of opening doors. You cannot imagine how creative I got trying to communicate with that girl—or maybe it was her who was frustrated with me because I just didn't get it. I didn't get it. And the keys got older, they grew rusty. Almost like she was forgetting. And all this time she was clutching that one key I found her with. I've often wondered if that key opened the door to her sister.

I’m not sure. Driven, maybe. My brother would probably say I’m absent. I’m rather bad at answering or returning calls. But those seem like mutually exclusive words, so I don’t really know. I’m not much good with words.

I mean, I was studying criminal psychology, loved working out a good puzzle. But I never really gave it any serious thought. My mum still has a go at me for choosing this profession, says she can’t sleep at night. So it wasn’t something that was encouraged. In fact, when I qualified for patrol, she shut herself in her room and wouldn’t come out for an entire day, told me I had to quit before I even started. She'd have been happier if I went to flip burgers at Gaston’s.

But maybe that’s what did it. When there’s this push for you to let something go, that’s when you realise how much you want it. Or maybe it was my ego. Your mum says go left, you go right. She says look up, so you look down. Then once I was on the job, that was it. I never really looked back. Sometimes the job chooses you.

I’m not sure I’m really one to give advice. Does drinking copious amount of coffee while working a case make you a better detective? (laughs) There isn’t any magic trick to this job—you just gotta keep at it. You gotta see things through to the end. You gotta pay attention. But anyway, my advice? Get your own coffee machine, ‘cause you’re gonna need it.

I get to cut the line at the cinema. (laughing) Nah. My brother would though, if only I’d let him. My favourite part? I think I’m making a difference. I think I’m making the city a little safer, little by little. I probably sound like an idiot with his head in the clouds now, don’t I? You’ve barely closed one case before another pops up. It’s thankless work, but someone’s gotta do it. Someone has to.

I prefer to work alone. If I do it myself, I know it’ll get done, and there’s no waiting around. The odd hours that I work, I think my partner’s probably glad I don’t call him up all the time. Works for both of us.

Stealing someone’s natural born magic is a personal violation. Magic is something that’s an innate part of you, like the beat of your heart or the breath in your lungs. It’s hard to separate the thing from the person it’s made you. Now imagine someone just came and took that. Stretched their hand down your throat and plucked out something that made you you. These thieves aren’t just stealing a replaceable object—they’re stealing something that should never be taken without permission. It's abhorrent.

There might be one on the horizon, but nothing’s been confirmed yet.

Sounds like an abomination. (Chuckles) I have a colleague who made pink coffee once. It was reconstituted pink algae and glitter. I like to keep an open mind, but I draw the line there.

When I was a teenager, I had a punk rock band. Nowadays I like folk and country. I don’t have time to commit to a band anymore, but also my days are so busy, I’ve come to prefer slower music. When I sit down, I want something to slow down to.

Time off? What’s that? (laughs) I go to the gym, go to the range and train. Sometimes I play my guitar. But you know what else I love? I love to stare out over the River Thames—I’d look out over the sea if London was on the coast. There’s something about all the water and lights, like you're still part of the city but you're not really in it. And the birds. Fox had his Spidey. I had a pigeon once, but that’s probably a story for another time.