How did you become a barista, and do you use magic in making coffee too?

Obviously, it’s because that’s my dream job. How do you think? I needed a job. The job needed me. I’m pretty, and every perv wants a pretty face front-facing customers. (laughs) Match made in heaven. And if you want to know whether we use magic to make coffee, look at our menu. You wanna check all our licenses too, make sure they’re legal?

What’s your favourite plant?

Trees. I love trees. Not many real ones left in London, and even outside the city it’s rare to find giants. Give me the wide, fatherly ones, with big branches you can sit beneath, or climb onto. But I know where there’s a new tree. No, don’t even ask me where. We’ve fucked up nature enough—let my tree be.

What kind of plants do you have in your home? Any favorites?

Why, you wanna buy me one? Do you know how expensive real plants are? And I don’t want those shitty ones with the feeding tubes that rarely work. Those might look like plants but they ain’t. Like getting a puppy when you want a kid. Doesn’t work like that.

(Sigh) If you must know, I have a cactus. Jezebel. That’s my girl.

How many plants do you own?

You’re curiously intrigued by my plants. Planning on stealing them? (smiles)

Would you leave London if you could?

I could. I could live anywhere. God knows why I’m still here. Money’s good, I suppose. Not as a barista, of course. But you need a healthy population if you want high quality magic to steal. Not everyone’s magic born, for a start, and of those who are, about 90% are just boring stuff like change the colour of your hair—that wouldn’t be so bad if it could be any colour but that’s not usually the case. Or the magic might be rare, like the ability to grow fairy wings on your back. No, it doesn’t give you flight. You wish. That’d actually be valuable. No, but maybe you could fan someone’s hair with them.

So, what can you do? Only a fraction of the population are born with something both rare and valuable. So you go to a smaller population size and the probability of finding something rare that people would pay good money for drastically dwindles. And I couldn’t keep my plant if I only earned a barista’s salary.

Where would you move to if you could live anywhere else?

Somewhere without journalists. Although they are pretty fun to mislead—they’ll run after the vaguest lead as long as you sound convincing. But hey, maybe I’d move to the Taiga, or what’s left of it. Can you imagine, so many trees you get lost in it and not a person in sight. Sounds amazing, doesn’t it? You’re nodding along like there aren’t 6 months of winter at minus 20 degrees and parts where it’s just 24 hours of night. (laughs)

What’s your family history? Is this profession hereditary?

My family history is chicken chow mein and egg fried rice. My hair reeked of it. My fucking pillow reeked of it until I finally left home so I could stop gagging. Being a magic thief isn’t hereditary—my dad would curse you and nine generations of your family for even thinking that. Being born with an ability like mine was sheer (bad?) luck—like I said, rare and valuable magics don’t happen often. There’s no rhyme or reason that anyone’s been able to work out, but you can bet your bottom dollar whoever does is gonna get filthy rich exploiting it. I just used God’s good gifts to make myself a living, like everyone else.

Would you like going to Disney World?

What a strange thing to ask. I’ve only ever read about it in history books. If someone’s revamping the old grounds into some haunted house rides—stranger things have happened, especially when buckets of cash are involved—then count me in! As long as I’m not paying.

What is your honest opinion about Detective Wu, and do you secretly find him attractive?

When I’m not busy running from him, yes, I ogle at his picture online because I’m crazy about the guy trying to arrest me. What do you think? Lynx is good at what he does. Maybe that’s why I like the chase. No fun outsmarting an idiot. He could look good if he actually smiled and wore a different shirt once in a while. Would be… curious to see him try. But it wouldn’t be me he took to any dances. No one takes a girl like me. You couldn’t take me home to meet your brother, let alone your mum. The only place he’s ever taking me to is prison, if he can catch me first. (frowns) Can we move on?

What does it feel like to strip magic from someone?

(Grins) Are you volunteering?

Are you able to use the magic you strip from others?

That’s half the fun. I’ve got stuff even the MI5 don’t have.

How did you become a magic thief?

Magic’s pretty. At some point I wanted to touch it, and it’s nothing like the bottled stuff you get. Different when it’s fresh, like cookies straight from the oven rather than several days old. Like drinking a hot cup of the best, silkiest cocoa. Why do people want to pick berries off bushes on the street, or pick up something shiny from the ground? You just do. You see a shaft of light and it’s human instinct to move your hand into it to see if you can touch it, and I touched it. It was like capturing someone else’s light. Curiosity killed the cat, except they’re the cat. (smiles)

What’s your favorite thing to steal?

Bubblegum. All sorts of flavours, readily available, easy to hide, and blowing that gum is like holding up a giant middle finger in your face because it could be your gum I just pickpocketed. It’s unfortunate the only thing you seem to have in your pocket is tissues. Here. And your keys too.

Why do you strip people’s magic?

People shouldn’t hoard good things they haven’t earned. I’m doing a little redistribution and getting paid for the trouble. Balancing the old world’s gifts. It’s a win-win.